While being quarantined at home has allowed for a lot more self-reflection. It really has me thinking about all my past friendships, and if I knew this advice when I was younger, how different it would be right now.
You never realize the value of friendship until it is gone.
One of my best friends from high school, a year older than I was, she was a Junior. We met in detention and we were inseparable from there. We ditched class together, I was always at her house, she had the cool mom. She was there when I found out I was pregnant, for the birth and even helped me pick out my daughter’s name.
Fast forward a few years later, it is my golden birthday, 21 on 21 and we planned to go to Vegas and celebrate. Our birthdays are one week apart so we were always excited we could celebrate together. She even agreed to wait to go to Vegas for the first time until I was 21.
A few months prior she started dating this guy and it got pretty serious, pretty fast and he proposed to her. They decided that since we already planned to go to Vegas for our birthdays over my birthday weekend, they were going to get married.
I GOT REAL MAD!
When she told me what their plan was, I was livid, to say the least. They decided the ceremony was going to be on the 21st….you mean my actual birthday? I said I did not choose to be born on that day. You have 364 other days of the year to be married, you couldn’t pick a different day? She got mad, told me I was being selfish and we didn’t really speak after that.
At the time, I could not see how I was being selfish, we lost touch and to this day we have not spoken. I could not see what she had already sacrificed for me, why couldn’t I do the same for her and just be happy for her?
The Engagement Party
As if one wasn’t enough, back in 2018, I had my Maid of Honor title stripped from me. I deserved it though. I met this friend while working at a bar called Shenanigans. She just moved here from another state, we instantly became best friends and a few months later, we were moving together! We have some of the craziest stories together! She lived with me when I was getting evicted and we thought it would be a great idea to go to Vegas, gamble and win our rent. Let me tell you how bad of an idea that was.
Anyway, that was 3-4 years prior to 2018. She finally got engaged, everything was great! She asked me to be her Maid of Honor and I, of course, said yes. I was happy for her, though I was not the biggest fan of her fiance at the time. When I say not the biggest fan, I really mean public enemy No. 1, and the feeling was mutual. Weddings also are really not my thing, so this was definitely going to be a challenge for me.
Why I don’t Drink Tequila
I flew out to where she was living, some humid state on the East coast and I was staying for 5 days, 4 nights I believe? I was a real workaholic and never took longer than a 3 day weekend off, so this was a long time for me. When I arrived everything was as great as it could be at the time, considering.
The best man was the brother of the Groom to be and he was NOT thrilled I was the MOH. So the petty back and forth, rude remarks were coming out on both sides. The party was on day 2 or 3 of the trip. It was an all-day event, parents and small children came in mid-afternoon and then the real party started after they left. Because I was staying at their house for my trip, I was able to meet all the families in the morning when they came early to help with party prep.
This is When the Real Girl Talk/Gossip Started.
Certain family members are bashing the groom to be, which is just solidifying my unfavorable feelings for him even more. This continues for about 45 minutes or so until guests for the party start to arrive. Every guest brought the same thing, a bottle of tequila. These people love to drink tequila and tequila = death for me. The tequila party started around 12 or 1 and we were having 1 or 2 shots, what felt like every 30 minutes, for about 5 hours, and the drinking continued until about 3 am.
I don’t remember most of that night. I do remember getting in an argument with my best friend, can’t remember what it was about. Though I do remember telling her it was best I leave, and I was going to get a hotel room somewhere else and left to pack my luggage. Where I happened to pass out in the closet with her dog, they thought they lost the dog and went on a search party. Nope! Just cuddling with Lindsey
At some point, I also flashed the in laws (SMH) Who let me keep drinking?
There were so many people in the house, I passed out on the floor somewhere. I came to in a shirt, no pants, laying on my poorly packed luggage, and I was ready to lose everything I drank the night before. Let’s not forget, this was a full house with family, and here I am half-naked about to be sick. This continued for about 10-11 hours, I did not come back to life until like 7 pm. Real smooth Lindsey! Needless to say, I don’t drink tequila anymore.
Stripped of Maid of Honor Title
The last 2 1/2 days of the trip were awkward, to say the least, we did not talk about what happened until we were in the car on the way to the airport. She laid into me, and rightfully so! She told me all the things I said and how I said them to her fiance’s sisters, who happen to adore him. This is also when she told me I flashed the in-laws. She replayed the events and I just sat there in silence and I felt nothing but shame. She followed up by saying “I do not want you to be the MOH, I need someone who can support me and that is not you.”
Talk about daggers to the heart.
She said that I could be in the bridal party but thinks I would have more fun just at the wedding as a guest. I agreed, said I was sorry. Then I tried to explain that I do support her and how I knew it was going to be tough for me and I should have been more honest about it. I also reached out to Groom to be and said I am sorry for the way I acted and the words I said, he never said anything back to me. She and I lost touch after that trip.
I know what you are thinking, “She is such a bitch!” trust me, I thought that for a long time. I even owned being a bitch. I was that one friend that you would have to warn your other friends about, ” Don’t worry, she is like that with everyone” I thought that served me for a long time and for a long time instead of trying to fix any issues, I was right and you are wrong, I would give up and walk away. No fights, I just cut you off. I did not want to deal with it.
Advice to my Younger Self.
Over the last year, I have really come to see how negative I was, and how something needed to change. Read more about my journey here. I have really focused on realizing that who I was as a person, is not my true self, and if I was given the chance to give advice to my younger self, I would say…
- Be quick to take responsibility and fix issues. When you look back on your life, you will wish you would have mended the friendship. Don’t let the issue fester, resolve it immediately and accept the responsibility for what has happened.
- Forgive and don’t hold grudges. The anger we hold onto is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.
- Be Kind! Life is too short to be anything but kind.
- Be open and honest. There is a power given to you when you allow yourself to be vulnerable.
- Make others in your life feel important and tell them frequently how important they are to you.
- Practice the Golden Rule– “Do for others as you would have them do unto you.” Treat others how you want to be treated. Be the friend that you want/need.
